I simply cannot take it any more.
Two men are standing at the sink in a gym locker room.
"So, Ed, whaddya make of all that construction on Magazine street?" one asks.
"I dunno, Frank," the other replies, "I think they shoulda done more work down on the east side."
"You and me both." Frank agrees.
Now this would be a simple and normal conversation in almost any circumstance - except that in this particular case, Frank and Ed, our 60 year old overweight gym-rats are standing at the sink completely naked.
That's right folks, there seems to be an epidemic in this country affecting overweight men over the age of 55 that somehow causes them to forget to cover their bare asses with a towel. And I for one, am not going to stand by and let this continue. Someone has to speak out.
Please don't get me wrong. I am all for freedom of expression, but when I turn around around to put my swim suit into the dryer and get boxed out by giant hairy ass, you've crossed the line. I don't care how comfortable you are with your body, no one wants your junk hanging over the sink while you brush your teeth. It's just not cool.
I know I am not alone in this feeling. But the social obstacle that perpetuates this injustice is often hard to overcome - how does one exhort a large hairy naked stranger? The solution is simple: fight their passive aggression with passive aggression.
To achieve this, I have created the towelstrong foundation. Actually, it is not as much a foundation as it is a bunch of items that you can use at the gym to (hopefully) make that bare-bummed jackass feel uncomfortable in his own skin.
So please, support our cause; first by covering up your own pasty behind as you stroll around the locker room. Then, show your support by wearing a shirt or perhaps slap one of our towelstrong stickers on that naked guy's locker while he's drying his chest hair with the hand dryer.
Oh, and absolutely all proceeds will go to the Challenged Athletes Foundation.
Thank you for your time.
Train hard...and put on a damn towel.