Saturday, May 21, 2011

Letter to Triathlete Magazine

Dear Triathlete Magazine,

I am writing to suggest a follow-on article for next month's edition.  You see, like many who read your publication, I do not come from a swimming background, and I am thus anxious to put to use any tips that your experts are willing to share when it comes to the pool.  I most recently came across your "3 Perfect Pre-Pool Warmups" article in the May 2011 Issue.
Excited to put my new authentic pre-swim moves to work, I arrived at the local pool immediately after work, just as the children's swimming and water aerobics classes were commencing.  I made my way out on the pool deck, donned in my day-glow speedo and pink swim cap and put your moves to the test.  I will say that the deep lunges and shoulder stretches did loosen me up a bit, but I was unable to complete the circuit.  You see, just as I was beginning the deep squat portion of the warm up, I became aware of the angry cries of the parents seated in the bleachers and the old women whose water aerobics class had come to a stand-still.  As the gym security personnel escorted me back toward the locker room, I remember hearing the sound of children weeping and adults dry-heaving.
I tried to explain to the pool manager that I was in fact performing a very technical pre-swim warm up, but he refused to believe me, and canceled my membership due to what he termed "public indecency."
So, as I was saying, I would like to request an article on open water swimming - for those of us who now find ourselves unwelcome in our local pool.  I look forward to your continued guidance.



  1. I'm speechless that you could be so brazen. But I'm also wondering what was so horribly wrong with those stretches? I zoomed in on the image and unless you're really well-endowed or have a very skimpy speedo...

  2. First, please tell us that you actually sent that as a letter. I'd print it!

    Second, as a life-long swimmer, I don't know what people think is so magical about pre-swim stretching. Swimming is one of few exercises that should leave you more flexible when you get out of the water than when you entered.

    Third, what's so wrong about a glow in the dark speedo and bright, sparkly, pink cap? Huh?!


    There is one guy at the pool that does stretches like this. It is definitely borderline indecent (on the indecent side of the border)

  4. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! There is a guy at my pool who I swear as the EXACT same speedo!! ewwwww!!!

  5. That is too funny and yes I too have a swimming pool with a swimmer that does some really odd warm-ups! And no its not me!


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