Saturday, May 21, 2011

Letter to Triathlete Magazine

Dear Triathlete Magazine,

I am writing to suggest a follow-on article for next month's edition.  You see, like many who read your publication, I do not come from a swimming background, and I am thus anxious to put to use any tips that your experts are willing to share when it comes to the pool.  I most recently came across your "3 Perfect Pre-Pool Warmups" article in the May 2011 Issue.
Excited to put my new authentic pre-swim moves to work, I arrived at the local pool immediately after work, just as the children's swimming and water aerobics classes were commencing.  I made my way out on the pool deck, donned in my day-glow speedo and pink swim cap and put your moves to the test.  I will say that the deep lunges and shoulder stretches did loosen me up a bit, but I was unable to complete the circuit.  You see, just as I was beginning the deep squat portion of the warm up, I became aware of the angry cries of the parents seated in the bleachers and the old women whose water aerobics class had come to a stand-still.  As the gym security personnel escorted me back toward the locker room, I remember hearing the sound of children weeping and adults dry-heaving.
I tried to explain to the pool manager that I was in fact performing a very technical pre-swim warm up, but he refused to believe me, and canceled my membership due to what he termed "public indecency."
So, as I was saying, I would like to request an article on open water swimming - for those of us who now find ourselves unwelcome in our local pool.  I look forward to your continued guidance.

Austin

6 comments:

  1. I'm speechless that you could be so brazen. But I'm also wondering what was so horribly wrong with those stretches? I zoomed in on the image and unless you're really well-endowed or have a very skimpy speedo...

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  2. First, please tell us that you actually sent that as a letter. I'd print it!

    Second, as a life-long swimmer, I don't know what people think is so magical about pre-swim stretching. Swimming is one of few exercises that should leave you more flexible when you get out of the water than when you entered.

    Third, what's so wrong about a glow in the dark speedo and bright, sparkly, pink cap? Huh?!

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  3. HAHAHA

    There is one guy at the pool that does stretches like this. It is definitely borderline indecent (on the indecent side of the border)

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  4. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! There is a guy at my pool who I swear as the EXACT same speedo!! ewwwww!!!

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  5. That is too funny and yes I too have a swimming pool with a swimmer that does some really odd warm-ups! And no its not me!

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